Letter's to Baby Peanut

  That little faint pink line, gave me hope. Hope that God had given us a second chance on life. Loosing your sister was the hardest thing your father and I had to ever endure. That pink line gave me a sense of fear, hope, and excitement. Fear of losing something we wanted so bad, and prayed for. Hope, that our little miracle could be in our arms after 9 months. Excitement, being a mom again and carrying another life made me feel whole again. You my child, you are what we are waiting patiently for. 

  Those strong 150 Beats per minute remind me that everything is ok, and you are growing just fine in your home. A home that I have for you to be safe, and feel comforted by. Those little flutters, I’m sure I felt bring tears to my eyes knowing that one day they will get stronger, and when you are out of your home, I look forward to kissing those tiny little toes. You, my child are everything to us. 

  Your daddy kisses you each and everyday, he can’t wait to meet you and kiss you. You are our anchor, our life. It’s you that we pray for each and every night. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Safe in your home, until it’s time to come out and meet us. When that day comes, your new home will be filled with love, and laughter. You have so many people that cannot wait to meet you. You, my little man are everything to us, you will be safe in your home until it is time for you to make your grand appearance. Until then, we pray for you while I hold my tummy that is forever your home until you are in our arms. 

 The fear of loosing another child is my biggest fear, but I know you are safe and the doctors have a plan just like God had a plan for your sweet Big Sister. I pray each and everyday for your and your sister. She has blessed us with you, and now she is watching over us. She gives me hope, and every time I speak her name it's part of my healing. Sweet little man, know that you are loved, fearfully and wonderfully made and you have an angel watching over you. 

Xoxo, 

   Mommy

Love Letter's to Bella

To My Little Pumpkin,

It's your Auntie Bianca. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder how you would look today. What crazy outfit your mommy would put you in; how big you would be; or who you would look like? Most of all, that cute smile that was given to you. But you're gone. You were too beautiful for this crazy world. I thought about how I would be taking you to your first football game to see Uncle Charles; all the gifts and football tees you would have right about now! You will and always are my god daughter. I hold you close to my heart and know that you are the best gift given to us, even in heaven. I love you to the moon and back.

An Auntie's Journey Through Grieving Part I

I had mentioned starting a new blog a while back, and when I mentioned it to my sister I asked if she would be interested in sharing her thoughts and experience with the grieving process. She was 100% on board with this idea. 

Today I bring you our first edition of An Auntie's Journey Through Grieving. 

Bianca will share her thoughts, experience from the time she found out about everything up until the present. I'm so excited to have her share her words.

Coping with loss is a bit different for me. When I got that call at 8:00 in the morning, I felt as if I lost a figment of life. As much as I was hurt, Charles told me "What if there's a glitch?" "What if Rochelle is just under stress?" "I'm sure the baby is ok!" As much as I wanted to believe him, I could not. Then our mom calls me,   hysterical...."She's gone!!" "What do you do when your sister is hurt?" "What do you do when innocence is taken?" "How do you deal with it?" I tend to keep it inside and be there for my loved ones, and I did. Rochelle wanted me to go Houston that day, but I could not find it in me to be strong, and it hurt. The one time my sister needed me, I could not be there. I did not want to accept the fact that my god daughter was gone. The face time calls were replaying in my head. Rochelle and I would face time and I would talk to Bella and Rochelle. While talking to her, Rochelle said she would kick. That was the best feeling! My sister is my best friend and then to be able to connect with Isabella was the best. Here we are four months later, with Rochelle and Ryan expecting again. When she told me, the feelings were bitter-sweet. I was happy for them; not only are they getting their second chance, but so am I. My only concern was I do not want to relive that phone call, or the feeling. I just want to know she and my god child are in good hands and will be monitored more carefully. In my planner I would jot done Rochelle's cravings, mood and write a little love note for Bella. 

Bianca will be sharing her Love Note to Bella tomorrow!! So come back and check it out!