Isabella's Birth Story Part I

Return to Zero is a movie that is currently trying to get to Hollywood. Return to Zero is based on a family that experiences a stillbirth and has to go through all the grieving, and loss. They are also writing a book, and asking for articles, poems, photography, etc. I thought it would be nice for me to submit our story, in hopes that it gets chosen to be in the book. We will find out October 15th if we made it. 

So now I share with you the first part of our story. I will post up part II tomorrow. (It is quite long, and I apologize)

March 2, 2013 was the last time I felt her move. I went to bed knowing that she was doing well after feeling those kicks. It was probably 3AM when I jumped out of bed sweating, scared, after a terrifying dream. I nervously went back to sleep holding my stomach tight. 6:30 AM the alarm sounds for work and I felt no movement. Isabella had a routine, each day when it was time to get ready for work she would kick my right side as I laid on my left. This morning, I felt fear inside of me, and no movement. Call it mother’s intuition. I pulled out my Doppler and searched every inch of my 34-week bump and could not find her heartbeat. Tears rolled down my worried face, as the feeling of loosing Isabella kicked in. I immediately reached for my phone and texted Ryan that something was wrong with Isabella. He told me to call the doctor and that everything would be all right. His words gave me hope that everything would be fine. Hearing dead silence through the phone while the answering service tried to reach the doctor had to have been the longest hour of my life. I was dressed for work, and drove while waiting to speak to the doctor. I made it inside my job, hysterical that I had to leave because something was wrong and I wanted them to see that I was in no condition to be at work. Turns out, I was scheduled to close and not open. I finally spoke to the doctor who appeared worried but tried to stay as calm for me. I drove myself to the hospital. March 3, 2013 is a day I will never forget. I went up and they put me in triage and tried to find Isabella’s heartbeat. It took two nurses, and nothing. They kept reassuring me that she was fine and they were going to order a sonogram to find her heartbeat. I put on a hospital gown and waited for my doctor to arrive as well as the sonogram technician. The sonogram machine rolls in and behind is the doctor. She is whispering to the sonogram technician and I glance up at the screen and my heart shatters into a million pieces. I notice Isabella’s heart is still, still like everyone in the room. The doctor walks around to the left side of the bed, and just stared into my eyes and says, “I’m sorry, it seems we have lost her”. I scream inside and out. I’m alone, waiting for Ryan to arrive. How could this be? I just felt her kick the night before and now she is gone. The doctor takes my phone to call Ryan’s’ mom and I call my parents historically crying. My family immediately drove three hours to Houston to be my support through this time. I received a donated bear from a nurse, and I cried. How could this be happening? That is all I kept screaming out loud and inside of my head. I stared at that bear, held it tight till Ryan and his mom arrived. That was the only thing I had left at that moment. My baby had been taken from me and I didn’t even get a chance to experience late night feedings or diaper changes.

To Be Continued........