As promised... Part II
Sunday was my last meal, before they
started my induction. The doctor did not want to give me a cesarean section, as
she was concerned that those scars would also leave emotional scars on me.
March 4 comes and I’m still waiting for her arrival. The doctor wanted to try
cervidil and if that did not work the last thing would be a foley catheter
bulb. I remember having family in
and out of the room, but I was on some pain medication that I just remember
seeing faces and do not remember conversations. My heart ached and I just
wanted all the pain to go away so I could hold her and spend all the time I
could with her. 12:30AM on March 5th, it is time to push. After
waiting for everyone, I requested for epidural. I dilated so fast, that I only
received a small dose. I wanted a drug free labor, but I wanted to meet my
angel and I wanted the pain I was in to just go away. Isabella Grace Bolanos
was born sleeping on Tuesday March 5, 2013 at 1:04am weighing 4 pounds 7 ounces
and 18 ½ inches long. I will never forget that moment when the doctor laid her
on my chest and I stared at her. Hoping for a miracle, I prayed that I would
wake up from my bad dream. I counted her toes, fingers, kissed her and cried.
Why, did my daughter leave us so soon? I had a wonderful nurse the last two
nights and she helped welcome Isabella into the world. I think of her as my
guardian angel. She was by my side whenever I needed her and cried with us. She
became part of our family. She laughed and cried with my family, and said she
would think about us each and everyday from here on out. She told me that she
has experienced this with other patients, but I was one of her patients that
stood out and impacted her for the rest of her life. She was my angel before I
had met my other sweet angel that would live in my heart for as long as I live.
I had a wonderful hospital team that wanted to pray and help us heal during
this time. I held Isabella and took her to my post-partum room and spent as
much time with her as I could. They told me she was mine until it was time to
leave the hospital and I had to let the medical examiners take her. She should
not be mine for this short time; she should be mine forever. I should be taking
her home with me, and not have to give her to a medical examiner. I think about
her each and everyday. I sleep with her monkey that we got for her when we
found out we were expecting. Our lives will never be the same. We lost our
daughter, but gained our guardian angel. She impacted so many people while she
was growing inside me, and I will never forget all the memories I made with her
and her daddy Ryan. We will always be a family of three, and she is still our
daughter. She made us parents, and because of her, we are stronger than we will
ever be.
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